Divided Loyalties Story 3
by AstridWinchester
Summary: <html><head></head>This story is No. 3 in the series "A Light in the Dark". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceding stories first. During a visit over the holiday Dean and Buffy disagree about Angel's ghosts. Characters aren't mine.</html>
1. Chapter 1

This story is No. 3 in the series "A Light in the Dark". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceding stories first.

Summary: During a visit over the holiday Dean and Buffy disagree about Angel's ghosts. Characters aren't mine.

**Divided Loyalties**

**Chapter 1: Second verse, same as the first**

Dean fidgeted in his seat, impatient for Sam to finish in the bathroom so they could get going already. They were due at Buffy's the next day and it was already late and they still hadn't gotten a hotel room yet. He was anxious to see her but he was pretty tired of being in a car for the last god knew how many hours. He spotted a weapons shop out of the corner of his eye and realized that he still hadn't gotten Sam or Buffy anything for Christmas. Cursing softly, he glanced around for his wayward brother and decided to check out the store while he waited.

He walked into the store but the shop owner wasn't in sight so he surveyed the store and all the weapons and ammo that were displayed in glass cases. He let out an appreciative purr when his gaze was caught by a silver dagger with an ornate scarlet sheath. He took a step closer to examine it, lifted it and hefted its weight experimentally.

"Can I help you, son?" The store owner addressed him as he came from a back room and Dean tore his gaze away from the dagger and to the man. He set it gently on the countertop and reached into his pocket for his wallet.

"Yeah, I'll take the dagger and the sheath." Dean answered, pulling out an ID and a couple of bills.

"You can get it engraved, makes a nice gift for the holiday." The guy offered and Dean hesitated. "Free of charge."

Dean thought it over and nodded, slid his ID across the counter and rooted in his jeans pocket for a slip of paper. He borrowed a pen on the counter and drew some sigils, then handed it to the shop owner. He wasn't good at languages like Sammy but he knew a few basic symbols and what they meant. "Can you do those?"

The guy studied the design and nodded, then picked up the dagger and brought it to a small work table along the wall with supplies on it. He put a pair of glasses on and glanced back at Dean, "Where do you want it?"

"Above the hilt should work," Dean answered then had another idea and drew another symbol, a protective one on the paper below the first design. "Can you do this on the other side in the same place?" He lifted the paper with the design and the guy nodded again and got to work.

Dean browsed the shop while he waited and found a set of throwing stars that Sammy would love, so he set those on the counter beside the sheath. He'd get Sam a book too, but his brother liked knives as much as Dean liked guns. He glanced out the window to see if Sam was by the car but saw something else that made his blood run cold. There was no mistaking either figure, one being the girl he was currently buying a gift for and the other someone he had watched her kill only months before. _'What the hell?'_

"Here ya go son," the store owner said, admiring his handiwork. He brought the dagger over to the counter and placed it and its sheath into one gift bag and the throwing stars into another. "Kid?" He asked, trying to get the young man's attention again when he didn't answer.

Dean started when he realized the guy was talking to him and went to pay for his purchases, his mind still on the two he'd seen out the shop window. He absently thanked the man and left the store with both bags in his hand, not even noticing that Sam was leaning against the Impala. His brother straightened as he approached and watched Dean as he circled the car and opened the trunk to deposit the bags. Dean looked around for Buffy again and watched as Angel stumbled away from her.

"Dean, what's going on?" Sam asked, breaking Dean's thoughts. Dean glanced at Sam and shook his head dismissively. "Nothing, c'mon we've got to stop someplace."

Dean climbed in and Sam followed, still eyeing his silent brother. Dean started the car and pulled onto the road, making a mental note to pull Buffy aside when he saw her tomorrow and ask her about Angel. He needed to get his head on straight, or he'd only blow up at her which would be counter-productive to his plans. He wanted to tell her the truth about how he felt about her this trip and he felt his palms clamming up at the thought. He forced out a breath and became aware that Sam was trying to talk to him so he tuned back into what he was asking him.

"Dean? Where do we have to stop?" Sam queried once he finally got Dean's attention, barely managing to refrain from pinching him to pry his brother out of his thoughts and answer the same question he'd asked twice already. Dean pulled up outside of an art store and climbed out again without a word, leaving Sam to either follow or stay in the car. Grumbling about annoying older siblings, Sam hurried to catch up to his brother.

"We need to get something for Buffy's mom," Dean told him distractedly once Sam joined him inside the store. Buffy had filled him in on the mask incident when they'd left town after dropping her off but he really didn't know anything about art or what sort of things Joyce liked. He'd only met the woman once after all. Finally he settled on a glass vase, figuring it was as good as anything else and Sam shadowed him silently to the checkout counter.

They left the store and headed for a nearby hotel to get a room, and Dean once again managed to dial up the charm to secure one with twin beds. They carried their bags inside and deposited them; pulling off their jackets once they closed the door. Sam pulled out a pair of sleep pants and a t-shirt, and then headed for the shower while Dean made the necessary precautions. Dean yelled to Sam through the bathroom door that he'd be back and left for the grocery store nearby.

He wanted to get some basics to fill the mini-fridge in their room, and maybe a small tree if he could wrangle one up. He'd had his ears bent enough by Sammy over the years about wanting a normal Christmas that he figured it'd save him from hearing it again this year if he just bought one of the damn things. They usually did gifts and egg nog but that was about it, yet this year Buffy and Joyce had invited them to spend the holiday as their guests. Dean found a fake tree about 3 or 4 feet high and put it in the cart and headed for the registers once he found everything else they'd need. His mind was still stuck on Buffy and the way she and Angel had been talking. He was 110% sure she hadn't told him that Angel was back, he'd have remembered it. He felt his blood boil about the fact that once again she'd neglected to mention something that big to him but he squashed it with effort. If he was going to get the nerve to tell Buffy how he felt about her, it wouldn't do to ruin it by fighting. No, he'd just have to pull her aside and try to be calm about the whole thing when he saw her tomorrow. He carried the food to the Impala and headed back to the hotel and to Sam, thinking that this was going to be an interesting holiday.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Blast from the past**

**Dublin, Ireland, 1838.**

It's around Christmas and snow is littering the ground as people in the streets bustle, dressed in warm cloaks. A carriage passes and behind it a young man hurriedly walks along the street, glancing behind him constantly as if to see if he's being followed. A choir group is "Silent Night", but none of the street patrons pay them any mind. As he reached a crowded area he pushed his way through the people, ignoring the comments on his rudeness. Suddenly, a pair of arms reached out from an alleyway and pulled him in, throwing him onto the snow-covered cobblestones. He looked up to see who his aggressor is, and finds Angelus standing over him, game face on.

"Daniel. Where were you going?" Angelus taunts the young man.

"You! You're not human." Daniel replied fearfully.

"Not of late, no."

"Wh-what do you want?" Daniel begged and Angelus grinned agreeably.

"Well, it happens that I'm hungry, Daniel, and seeing as that you're somewhat in me debt..." Angelus told the frightened young man.

"Please, I can't!"

"A man playing at cards should have a natural intelligence or a great deal of money, and you're sadly lacking in both."Angelus answered as Daniel tried to get up and flee, but Angelus seized him by the coat and gave a guttural roar. "So I take me winnings me own way."

"The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures..." Daniel prayed, turning a terrified gaze to the sky.

"Daniel, be of good cheer. It's Christmas!" Angelus interrupted before biting him violently on the neck.

**Angel's bedroom:**

He woke from his dream with a start, and once he realized it was only a dream, he sat up in bed. He decided to go for a walk and shuffled out the door into town. In the window of an audio/video store a TV is on the weather channel. "It's going to be sunny and warm with temperatures continuing in the high 70s throughout the holiday weekend. Just a little warm to light the Yule log, but it should make for a very nice Christmas." The weatherman on the screen said, pointing to the map behind him of California.

Angel walked past the shop window at a brisk pace, and then crossed the street. He heard a group of carolers singing 'God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen'. Angel stumbled past a Santa Claus ringing a bell, collecting money for the Salvation Army. As a passerby dropped some coins into his pot, he said merrily, "Merry Christmas!"

Angel halted when he unexpectedly ran into Buffy, who looked just as surprised, and neither said anything for a moment before Angel broke the silence.

"Hi."

"Angel..." She answered and another awkward silence began to set in. "So, are you shopping?" She asked finally before realizing how silly that sounded. "You're probably not shopping."

"I couldn't sleep." He answered.

"Vampires are probably not that big on Christmas, now that I think about it." She said awkwardly, not sure what to comment about his lack-of-sleep thing.

"Not as a rule," he offered with a half smile.

"But you're good?"

"I'm, I'm alright. You?"

"Yeah!" Buffy returned the smile. "Yeah, I'm good. I, um," She glanced down at the boxes in her arms. "I was just getting some Christmas gifts for the gang."

Angel's attention was torn away to something just beyond Buffy where in the middle of the street he saw an apparition of Daniel looking sadly back at him.

"Um, I'd better go before the magic store closes." Buffy continued, oblivious to Angel's apparition. Angel and Daniel stared at each other then Daniel walked away. Buffy noticed Angel's distraction and said his name hesitantly, but when he didn't answer she looked behind her but found nothing. She turned back to Angel, concerned. "What is it?" She asked but Angel was frozen with fear and didn't answer. He turned and fled, leaving watching him with a confused expression.

Buffy and her mother wandered through a Christmas tree lot, trying to find the right one as other shoppers select trees. Nearby, the tree merchant sprayed fake snow onto a tree and Joyce stopped to look over one of the snowed trees.

"Do you wanna get one with snow on it? Be very Christmassy." Joyce asked Buffy as they continued through the tree lot.

"I think those are just for display." Buffy answered.

"Oh. You know, honey, I was thinking. Maybe we should invite Faith to spend Christmas Eve with us, I mean Dean and Sam will be there and I'm sure they'd get along with her."

"I don't know. Faith and I don't really hang out. Or talk or make eye contact lately." Buffy answered, feeling a little thrill at the mention of Dean. She was totally psyched that they'd agreed to spend the holiday in Sunnydale and she couldn't wait to see them again.

"Do you really wanna let her spend Christmas Eve all by herself in that dingy little motel room?" Joyce said while looking over another tree and Buffy smiled at her mother.

"You're still number one with a guilt trip, Mom."

"I try."

"I'll ask her," Buffy gave in.

"You're a doll."

"What about Giles? I mean, he doesn't have any fam..." Buffy suggested but Joyce interrupted. "No, I'm sure he's fine."

"We could at least ask him and see..." Buffy tried again but Joyce dismissed the idea hurriedly.

"He doesn't wanna spend Christmas Eve with a bunch of girls, Dean and his brother will have their hands full as it is." She took a deep breath. "Let's split up." She wandered off to the right and Buffy sighed and continued looking. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed an area where a bunch of the trees were all brown, and walked closer to look.

The tree merchant comes up to her, and explained. "Bunch of them up and died on us. Don't know why. If you want one, I can make you a hell of a deal."

"No, thank you." Buffy answered and then heard her mother calling in the distance.

"Oh, honey, this one's perfect!" Buffy gave the tree manager a polite smile and headed over to check out the tree her mother found.

**Below ground:**

Images of a fire and burning candles float around a round table with candles in its center with ritualistic artifacts arranged to form three spokes upon it, surrounded by a circle, appear. Three chanting figures sit around the table, palms placed flat on the table's rim. All of the figures has no eyes, but instead has runes branded in the flesh where eyes should be.

**Angel's bedroom:**

He jerked awake with a gasp, frightened and breathing hard, only to again realize it's only a dream, and rubbed his head with his hands, taking a steadying breath.

**Faith's motel:**

She struggled with the TV, slapping and shaking it to try to get some reception, but with no luck. Someone knocked at her door and she yelled "Yeah?"

Buffy opened the door and walked in, seeing Faith trying to clear up the snowy screen.

"Hey, what's up?" Faith greeted then turned back to the troublesome TV. "Work, damn it!"

"Hey," Buffy replied, closing the door behind her. She watched Faith give up and turn off the TV, standing up and facing Buffy.

"What's going on? Scary monsters?" Faith asked her and Buffy shook her head.

"No. Um," Buffy hesitated uncertainly and took another step into the room. "We're having Christmas Eve dinner at my house, and I thought that, um, if you didn't have plans..."

Faith gave her a sharp smile. "Your mom sent you down, huh?"

"No," Buffy denied.

"Well, thanks, but I got plans. There's this big party I've been invited to. It should be a blast." She smiled evasively.

"Okay. Cool. But if you change your mind, the offer..." Buffy continued, unconvinced. "My friends Dean and Sam are getting into town tonight, so they'll be there. They're, uh, hunters too. Pretty good guys, you might like them."

"That's nice of you. Thanks. But I got... I got that big party that I've been invited to, so..." Faith said again, smiling dismayingly at Buffy who still looked as if she didn't believe her but was too polite to say so. Buffy turned back to the door, and then glanced around at the Christmas lights that Faith strung up around the room.

"I like the lights."

"Yeah. Well, 'tis the season. Whatever that means." Faith said with a shrug and Buffy gave her a half smile and left.

Giles took a taste of the dinner he was cooking as there was a knock at his door. "Just a minute!" He called and crossed to the door, pulling it open to see Angel standing there. For a long moment neither of them said anything as Giles studied him with surprise. "Hello."

"Um... I'm sorry to bother you." Angel started, and Giles laughed bitterly.

"Sorry, coming from you that phrase strikes me as rather funny. 'Sorry to bother me.'" He repeated, still chuckling.

"I need your help."

"And the funny keeps on coming." Giles looked at Angel with a straight face.

"I understand I have no right to ask for it, but there's no one else." Angel explained, swallowing his pride.

"Alright," Giles answered with a considering look. He walked back into the apartment, tossing his kitchen towel onto the counter and heading down the hall.

"I... I can't come in unless you invite me." Angel said, and Giles returned from the hallway, holding a raised crossbow at him.

"I'm aware of that."He walked back to the door. "Come in." Slowly with a little reservation Angel stepped into the apartment, eyeing the crossbow. Giles' aim didn't waver.

"I've been seeing... I've... I've had dreams lately about the past. It's... It's like I'm living it again. It's, it's so vivid, I... I need to know." Angel explained distractedly, and then his voice turned pleading. "I need to know why I'm here."

"Here? Back on Earth?" Giles clarified.

"I should be in a demon dimension suffering an eternity of torture."

"I don't feel particularly inclined to argue with that."

"But I'm not. I was freed, and I don't understand why."

"Knowing why you were back would give you peace of mind?"

"It might."

Giles decided it was probably safe to put down the weapon and bent to one side to set it down. Behind him Angel sees an apparition of Jenny Calendar. "You think that's something you ought to have?" Giles asked, not noticing Angel's distraction. Jenny looked back at Angel sadly and he shivered with fear. "Because, sir, to be blunt, the last time you became complacent about your existence turned out rather badly."

Angel watched Jenny stroke her hand down Giles' shoulder and let out a sigh. Giles still didn't notice a thing and Angel started to pant with short rapid breaths. Giles finally caught the look of fear on Angel's face as it was focused on something behind him. "What?" He glanced around his apartment, completely unaware of Jenny's presence.

"Don't you see her?" Angel breathed as Jenny walked around Giles.

"Who?"

Angel walked backwards to the door and Jenny followed him with her stare. He begins to freak out. "I can't!" He flat out ran out of the door and into the night, leaving Giles standing there, very confused.

He sleeps fitfully, his dream flashing back to Dublin again, this time to a very formal dinner party. A woman climbed the stair while two other guests came down, underneath Angelus is talking with a maid.

"Sir, please, I should return to the party." She said nervously, glancing around at the other patrons.

"Margaret, Margaret, there's no hurry." He assured her, getting a grip on the maid's arm.

"Mistress will be wondering..."

"Shhh. Mistress will be wondering how to get the good Reverend Chalmers into bed and will not notice the absence of 'canapé'." He stroked her chin and making her cease in her struggle to get away. "Stay with me."

"Sir, people might talk. I'll be put out in the streets. My little boy would... I can't lose this job." She pleaded and he grabbed her more firmly.

"Then you must keep quiet."

"You're hurting me!" She protested with a whimper, but Angelus just sneered cruelly at her.

"Ah! Cry out. Call for help. I'm sure Mistress will believe your behavior beyond reproach."

"Please!"

"Come, make a scene, huh? Shall I?"

"No," she whispered, thinking better of it.

"No, no. We'll be as quiet as mice." Margaret turned her eyes down dejectedly, having no choice but to give in. When she looks back up at him, he's in his vampire guise. "No matter what."

"Sir! My son!" She cried out in fear.

"Oh, he'll make a fine dessert, huh?" She gasped when he roughly bit her, drinking her dry, and let her body collapse to the floor. When he looks up again he is shocked to see a witness to his deed- none other than Buffy who stared back at him, also in shock.

Angel woke with a sudden jerk and gasped as Buffy gave a startled twist of her head and stares into the darkness of her room, surprised and confused.

Unable to sleep, Angel walked out of a hall and into the main room, pulling on a T-shirt where he sees Jenny standing on the opposite end of the room.

"Trouble sleeping?" Jenny's apparition drawled with false sympathy.

"You're not here." He answered, trying to snap himself out of it as she took a few steps closer to him.

"I'm always here."

"Leave me alone." He sat on the cold marble of the great fireplace.

"I can't. You won't let me." Jenny's apparition continued, watching him.

"What do you want?"

"I wanna die in bed surrounded by fat grandchildren, but— guess that's off the menu." She retorted with a shrug.

"I'm sorry." Angel couldn't look at her, even though he knew that this wasn't the real Jenny.

"You're sorry? For me? Don't bother. I'm dead. I'm over it." She crouched down next to him. "If you wanna feel sorry for someone, you should feel sorry for yourself. Oh, but I guess you've already got that covered."

"I am sorry... for what I've done. What else can I say to you?" She puts her hand to his temple and stroked it, transforming into Daniel's likeness with her next sentence.

"I don't wanna make you feel bad. I just want to show you who you are."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Holiday Spirits**

Giles and Buffy were in his office at the library the next day, and he looked at her sharply. "You had a dream about Angel."

"I was _in_ Angel's dream." Buffy corrected and he took off his glasses.

"I'm not sure that's..." Giles stuttered uncertainly.

"Giles, there was stuff in this dream that I couldn't possibly know about. It was Angel's past, he was dreaming it, and somehow I got sucked in." Buffy insisted as Giles looked back up at Buffy. "There's something wrong with him." He looked down again, then drew and released a measured breath.

"I know. I've seen him. He wanted to know why he was back." He confided, remembering the odd encounter with Angel the night before.

"Is there a way for us to find that out?" She asked, wondering the same question herself.

"Uh, possibly. I-I've been looking." He put his glasses back on and she straightened with purpose.

"Well, let me look, too." Giles met her gaze with an inquiring one of his own. Buffy, meeting Giles' coldly appraising eyes with her own steady gaze, said matter-of-factly. "I'm not seeing him anymore. I'm trying to put all this behind me, and I'm not gonna be able to as long as we're both doing guest spots in each other's dreams." Giles leaned back in his chair, considering the truth of that statement. "So we'll help him?" She pressed and he gave a resigned nod.

"Where do we start?" Xander announced, coming into the library and looking at the surprised Slayer and her Watcher. "Look, I'm aware I haven't been the most best friend to you when it comes to the whole Angel thing, and, um, I don't know, maybe I finally got the Chanukah spirit."

"Well, we start, not surprisingly, with research." Giles stood and went over to a small bookcase. "Xander, um," he handed him a book. "The Black Chronicles. And, uh, Buffy," Giles handed her another book. "The diary of Lucius Temple, an acolyte of Acathla, expert on demons. You can skip the passages on his garden unless you're keen on growing heartier beets." Buffy and Xander head out into the main room.

"Are you sure this is how you wanna spend your Christmas vacation?" Buffy asked Xander though she was grateful for his help.

"Yeah, this is actually the most exciting thing I've got planned. Who else can claim that pathetic a social life?"

"Hey, guys. What are we doing?" Willow asked with a smile as she entered the library to see all three of them at the center table doing research. Giles dropped off a few more books for them to look through. Xander arrived with a pizza and dropped it on the table a few hours later it on the table. They continued researching with the pizza half eaten, and then later Willow and Buffy sat at the table, talking quietly.

"He's gonna come over on Christmas Eve 'cause my parents are out of town. We're gonna watch videos." Willow told Buffy, telling her best friend about her plans with Oz.

"That's good, right?" Buffy asked with some hope and they exchanged a look. "You guys are back."

"It's good. It's perfect. In an awkward, uncomfortable sort of way." Buffy gave her a sympathetic look. "I just don't know how to make Oz trust me."

"Xander has a piece of you that Oz just can't touch. I guess now it's just about showing Oz that he comes first." Buffy told her, thinking of her relationship with Dean and feeling that little thrill at the thought of seeing him again in just a few hours. Sam had called her earlier that day to tell her they'd gotten into town the night before and that they'd see her at her mom's tonight. They'd spent a few hours talking about everything that'd happened since they'd seen each other but when Sam offered Dean the phone, he'd declined. She wasn't sure why but chalked it up to the possibility that he might have just been tired from the long trip.

"I guess. Thanks." Willow said considering, then read the book in front of her. "Hey, he likes beets."

"I read that one already." Buffy said, reading over the passage Willow pointed out and sighing. "We're not getting any closer."

**Angel's Mansion:**

He fell to the floor, clammy, shivering, and panting in horror. Another one of his victims, a businessman, paced past him.

"The thing I remember most was thinking how artful it was. In the dark, they looked just like they were sleeping. It wasn't until I bent down and kissed them good night that I felt how cold they were. You grabbed me, and I thought," the businessman said then faced Angel. "Who would go to so much trouble to arrange them like that?"

Angel looked back up at him and as the businessman crouched he transformed into

Margaret. "But you see, that's what makes you different than other beasts. They kill to feed, but you took more kinds of pleasure in it than any creature that walks or crawls." Margaret continued, watching him.

"Oh, God!" He exclaimed and she sneered, mocking him.

"Yeah, cry out. Make a scene." Angel jumped to his feet and tried to run away, but Daniel blocked his way. "I was to be married that week, but then, as I recall, you knew that." Daniel told him and Angel backed up, shaking his head.

"It wasn't me." He denied and Daniel transformed into Jenny again.

"It wasn't you?" Jenny repeated derisively.

"A demon isn't a man. I was a man once."

"Oh, yes, and what a man you were." Angel flashed back to the days before he became a vampire, in a bar, singing and drinking, pulling at a woman's dress before passing out and falling to the floor. When the flashback ended he saw Margaret standing before him again. "A drunken, whoring layabout and a terrible disappointment to your parents."

"I was young. I never had a chance to..." He whimpered futilely.

"To die of syphilis? You were a worthless being before you were ever/i a monster." Angel couldn't take much more, and he covered his ears with both hands.

"Stop it! Stop..." He pleaded and watched as Margaret transformed back to Jenny, who placed her hands on his, gently taking them away from his ears.

"I don't wanna hurt you, Angel, but you have to understand. Cruelty's the only thing you ever had a true talent for."

"That's not true," he denied and Jenny shushed him. She led him to the coffee table, and gently got him to lie down. "Rest." She walked around him, watching him try to lie still. "You mistake it for a curse, Angel, but it's not. It's your destiny." She sat down by his head and stroked a hand through his hair. "I'll show you. I'll show you."

Xander yawned in his chair behind the checkout counter and went back to researching in his book. In Giles' office Willow was asleep in a chair. Giles stood from his desk and walked over to get another book. Buffy is asleep in the stacks with several books lying on the floor around her, she rolled from one side to her back.

**Angel's Mansion:**

He rolled over onto his back also and in a flash of bright light they were both sharing a dream. Buffy's lying in her bed, and she slowly opened her eyes to see Angel sitting at her side, looking down at her, waiting for her to awaken. He reached for Buffy's hand with his and they touched fingertips briefly before intertwining their fingers and clasping hands. Buffy was facing Angel next thing she knew, sitting on his lap with her legs circling his waist. They kissed passionately, holding each other as closely as possible, caressing each other tenderly. Buffy tugged on Angel's shirt, and he assisted her in pulling it up and off, baring his chest. In the real world Angel turned again on the coffee table.

Angel slipped the satin pajama top from Buffy's shoulders, baring her smooth skin. They held each other tightly as they kissed intensely. In the real world Buffy moaned, turning her head while lying on the library floor. Buffy and Angel lie in bed together, making gentle, passionate love. They changed positions as Angel rolled on top of her, the muscles of his back flexing under his tattoo. They caress each other for several moments and Angel tenderly kissed Buffy where her neck joined her shoulder, and he slid a hand up and along her outstretched arm, reaching and clasping her hand as they continued to make love. Suddenly, over Angel's shoulder, Buffy sees the eyeless priest from her previous dream, sightlessly observing them from where he's standing at her door. Beside the priest is Dean, watching them with anger plain on his face.

Angel removes his hands from their tender clasp and then, as a thunderclap is heard, grabbed Buffy's wrists, forcibly pinning her down to the bed. He rose over her and transformed into his vampire guise, and then bit her savagely on the neck as the priest and Dean watched. Buffy woke from the dream in startled shock, looking around the silent library.

Back at Angel's mansion, he woke as well and bolts upright, drawing a hard breath into his still chest.

"You want her?" Jenny asked, who sat next to him.

"No." Angel panted, trying to calm himself and the beast within.

"Take her. Take what you want. Pour all that frustration and all that guilt into _her_, and you'll be free." Jenny insisted and Angel shook his head no again. "You can't live for eternity with _all that pain_. This is what you are. This is why we brought you back. Take her! And then you'll be ready..." She leaned into his ear, "...to kill her."

Buffy walked out of the stacks and down the stairs dazedly and Giles turned to her, not noticing her out-of-it expression.

"Here, Buffy. Take a look." He went over to the table with a pile of very old and worn sheets of paper. "These letters contain references to a, a, an ancient power known as The First."

"First what?" She asked, trying to shake the feeling off and focus on what her Watcher was saying.

"Evil. Absolute evil, older than man, than demons. It could have had the power to bring Angel back." Giles explained, reading aloud from the paper.

"These guys," Buffy picked up one of the letters with sketches of the eyeless priest, studying it. "I-I saw them in my dream. I, I fell asleep up there."

"You had another dream? With Angel?" Giles asked, seeing the dazed look on her face as she nodded. "What happened?"

"Oh, we don't need to get sidetracked. Who are these guys?" She answered evasively, fighting a blush as she recalled the dream's nature.

"Um, they're known as the, uh," Giles sat down, "as the Bringers o-o-or Harbingers. They're high priests of The First. They, uh, they can conjure spirit manifestations and set them on people, influence them, haunt them."

"These are the guys working the mojo on Angel?" Buffy asked and Xander walked out from behind the counter.

"We gotta stop them."

"Y-you can't fight The First, Buffy. It's not a-a physical being." Giles answered, taking off his glasses to clean them and putting them back on.

"Well, I-I can fight these priest guys."

"If we can find them." Xander pointed out and they exchanged a look.

**Willy's Bar:**

Willy's wiping down a few bottles and putting them away when he noticed Buffy and Xander enter the bar. He greeted the blonde and her escort loudly so everyone heard. "Hey! It's the Slayer. What brings the, uh, Slayer down here?" Several vampires at the bar stood and quietly left as she and Xander approached.

"Hey, Willy, how you been?"

"Keeping out of trouble, as God is my witness." Willy answered, pouring a drink for a customer and coming over to them. "So, w-what can I do for you? Couple of drinks?"

"Yeah, let me get a double shot of, um..." Xander started and exchanged a look with

Buffy then said aggressively to Willy, "of information, pal."

"Three priests. They call themselves..." Buffy continued, biting back a laugh at her best friend.

"The Bringers," Xander interrupted and she shot Xander a look before she continued. "Bringers, Harbingers. They have a 'no eyes' kinda look."

"Doesn't ring a bell."

"How about I ring that bell for you?" Xander tried for menacingly then turned hopefully to Buffy. "Does the threatening come now?"

"Maybe you shouldn't help." Buffy said to Xander then turned to Willy. "They would've come to town recently. They'd be holed up somewhere summoning the spirit of The First." Willy looked around the bar carefully, and then leaned toward them.

"Well... I heard a few things, you know, from the underground." At Xander's confused expression, he explained. "You know, from things that live under the ground. Apparently there's been a lot of migration out of Sunnydale from the lower inhabitants. Something's scaring them off, and these are things that aren't easily scared. Could be your priest guys are underground."

"Underground where?"

"I do not know," Willy shook his head regretfully though.

"Okay. Thanks." Buffy answered and Xander seconded, "see you around." They started toward the door.

"Hey," Willy called to Xander, who faced him. "You did great, by the way. I was very intimidated by you."

"Really?" Xander grinned geekily and Willy gives him a nod. "Thanks!" Buffy took Xander's arm. "Let's go," she said in an exasperated tone and led him away.

"Hey, kid." Willy said to Buffy and she faced him. "Merry Christmas." Buffy just gave him a look, and then she and Xander leave. They stepped into the heat of the day and started down the block.

"Man, is it hot. It was so nice and cool in there." Xander said and she sighed.

"Yeah, a nice cool waste of time." They stopped walking and Xander looked at her.

"We know underground. That's a start."

"Sure, in a town with fourteen million square miles of sewer." She scoffed and he inclined his head to accede her point.

"Plus a lot of natural cave formations and a gateway to Hell. Yeah, this does resemble square one."

"I don't know what to do." Buffy sighed again dejectedly.

"I think right now the best plan is to deck the halls with boughs of holly." Xander agreed with his hands in his pockets and she brightened at the prospect of seeing Sam and Dean. "Look, we'll catch the bad guys... sooner or later." With that they went their separate ways with the promise to call each other later if there was any news.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: 'Tis the season**

Buffy grinned when she spotted the black muscle car parked at the curb outside her house and trailed a hand along the trunk. She barely managed to refrain from bolting to the door in her excitement to see the brothers but forced herself to stay calm and her heart to slow. She opened the door and was greeted by the sound of her mother's laughter and two male voices that made her grin get even bigger.

"Oh Buffy, Sam and Dean are here!" Joyce called to her daughter from the kitchen where she was regaling the Winchester's with stories about Buffy in her younger years. Buffy entered the kitchen and hugged Sam tightly. Dean met her gaze and she noticed that his smile was only slightly forced but he gave her a hug anyway, holding onto her a moment longer than Sam had.

"We need to talk, princess." He whispered in her ear and kissed her cheek. He gently clasped her hand in his; leading her into another room so they could talk in private. He looked down at his drink for a long moment, deciding how best to start without causing an argument he didn't want to have. "You know, I saw the damnedest thing when Sam and I got in last night," he started, his voice even. "I was at the store waiting for Sammy and imagine my surprise when I see a certain blonde talking to none other than the vampire I could have sworn/i I watched her kill a few months ago." He heard her sharp intake of breath and continued. "Strange thing is, she didn't even bother to tell me that this guy was back from, oh where was it again..." He pretended to think about it for a moment. "Oh yeah, Hell." He finally looked up at her, his eyes a steely green. "It's kinda funny, odd how I'm not laughing."

She met his gaze and winced when she saw the coldness in his eyes, her heart sinking when she realized that he was right. She hadn't called or told him or Sam about Angel's return, she'd been too caught up in everything that she hadn't thought of it until now when he'd seen it with his own eyes. She frantically tried to think of what to say to ease the anger and hurt in his eyes but he held up a hand to stop her.

"Don't. Please, I don't want to fight. I came to spend the holiday with you and your mom and to give Sammy a normal Christmas. Fighting will only ruin it. After that though, we're going to have some words, got me?" She nodded, and he lowered his hand and took a long pull from his drink. "Is he good again?" He asked, wanting to know that answer above any of the others that crowded his jealous mind.

"Yeah, he's good now. He doesn't remember being Angelus or being evil. He's being haunted by ghosts though; I wanted to ask you about it." She answered softly and he let out a bark of laughter.

"Ghosts are haunting his ass? Serves him right." He said his tone hard. "No, before you say anything about helping him the answer is no. Find someone else." He turned to go back into the kitchen with Joyce and Sam and Buffy sighed.

Christmas music played in the background as Buffy and Sam put the finishing touches on the tree. Dean was watching from the couch, still stewing and Joyce placed another log on the fire, then stood from her crouch and inspected the result.

"There we go." She said with a satisfied smile at Dean, Buffy and Sam.

"Nothing like a roaring fire to keep away the blistering heat." Sam joked with a wink at Buffy.

"Oh, come on. It's lovely. Maybe I should turn the air conditioning on." Joyce continued but Buffy was off in her own world as she and Sam finished trimming the tree. "So, angel's on top again?"

"What?" Buffy turned a startled gaze to her mother and Dean glanced at her, ignoring the look Sam aimed in his direction.

"Angel or star?" Joyce asked, holding up two tree toppers.

"Oh, uh... star. Star." Joyce nodded and handed it to Sam who easily placed it atop the tree. Just then the doorbell rang and Buffy and her mom exchanged an inquiring look, wondering who it could be. Buffy went to the door and opened it while Sam went over to put their gifts under the tree while she wasn't looking.

"Hey." Faith said uncertainly from the porch.

"Hi!" Buffy answered with a surprised smile.

"Uh, looked like that whole party thing was gonna be kind of a drag." Faith continued but then dropped her eyes for an instant. "I didn't really have anything...You know."

"I'm glad you came," Buffy told her with a sincere expression.

"Uh... Here," Faith said with a relieved smile and handed Buffy a couple of gifts."

"Why don't you come in from the entire lack of cold?" Buffy cracked and Faith gave a small snort of amusement and stepped inside, and Buffy closed the door behind her.

"Uh, that one," Faith pointed to one of the packages, "is for your mom. They're pretty crappy."

"Faith, you made it." Joyce said coming into the hall and taking the gifts from Buffy. "Oh, that is so thoughtful."

"They're crappy." Faith turned an embarrassed smile on Joyce and then noticed the two strange guys in Buffy's living room watching her. "Hi." She said hesitantly, giving them both once-overs. They were pretty hot; one a tall brunette with shaggy hair that flopped into his eyes and the other was shorter with spiky blonde hair.

"Oh! Faith, these are the guys I mentioned, Dean and Sam Winchester. They're friends of mine, guys this is Faith, she's a slayer too." Buffy said, taking Faith's elbow and making the proper introductions. Dean gave her his patented smirk and Sam tried not to blush when she looked him over. She sat next to Dean and the two started to talk and flirt with one another while Buffy watched, fighting the little pang in her gut at seeing Dean flirt with the dark Slayer. "Um, you know, I'm gonna go upstairs and get your gifts. Excuse me."

"Uh, would you like some nog?" Joyce asked Faith from behind her as Buffy hurried up the stairs to her room, trying to shake off the weird feeling. Buffy walked down the hall and into her room, raising her voice to address her mother downstairs. "Okay, Mom, don't touch yours, though, 'cause then you're gonna know what it is."

Once in her room she heard her door slam behind her and she spun around to find Angel there, looking very tired and somewhat disoriented. "Angel."

"Huh... Buffy." He answered dazedly, glancing around her room.

"What is it?" She asked and he looked around apprehensively and cleared his throat.

"I gotta... I... look, I, uh, I had to see you, um..." His gaze landed on her bed and it confused him. "I don't know, I... You shouldn't be..."

"Just tell me what's going on," Buffy asked softly, taking a step closer to him. His gaze focused on her neck, and noticed she wasn't wearing her cross. Jenny appeared behind her. "She wants you to touch her. What are you waiting for?"

"You have to stay away from me." He pleaded, trying to ignore Jenny.

"You came to see me to tell me that I can't see you?" Buffy asked, confused. Angel panted heavily and struggled with for control. "Angel, something is doing this to you." He started to move toward her and she backed away.

"You just have to control it, okay? I-I know that you're confused." She said in a frightened voice.

"I think you're the one who's confused. I think you need to..." Angel growled.

"She wants you to taste her. Think of the peace. You'll never have to see us again." Angel struggled to control his mind, and then grabbed his hair with his hands in desperation.

"Angel, how can I help you?" Buffy asked imploringly.

"Leave me alone!" He cried in anguish. He ran toward her window and dived out, and Buffy stared at the window in shock.

Dean heard Buffy's door slam upstairs and then raised voices and he set his drink down and tore up the stairs two at a time, pushing open the door to find Buffy staring in confusion at the window. "Buffy?" He crossed over to her and lightly shook her shoulders until she focused on him. "What is it? Are you okay?"

She slowly shook her head and looked back at the window, the curtains blowing lightly in the breeze. "He's getting worse Dean, I have to help him."

Dean bit down on his cheek, realizing who she meant and walked to the door, "Move it then, I'll take you to Giles'." She stared after him in surprise and hurried to follow, stopping to grab her coat and talk to Faith before leaving.

"I just need you to stay with Mom in case he comes back." She strode for the door, Faith at her back and Dean already starting the Impala.

"Yeah, I'll play watchdog. I don't really get it, though." Faith answered, watching Buffy get ready to leave and Sam looking out the window at his brother.

"I'll explain later. Everything. I promise." Buffy said as she opened the door and left to get in the car with Dean, who peeled away from the curve and headed for Giles'.

Dean pulled up outside the curb of Giles' flat and they climbed out and went inside. Dean nodded a greeting at Giles and crossed his arms, leaning against his table while Buffy filled Giles in on the scene from her room. "Giles, we have to do something. Soon. Now." She finished and Giles rubbed his forehead wearily.

"I'm still not sure what." Giles said and Dean ground his teeth as Buffy's voice turned desperate.

"Find me these priest guys. Find me something I can pummel."

"Let's not lose our heads." Giles said, taking off his glasses and glancing down at the book in his hand.

"Giles, he's slipping." She cried and Giles was silent, having no response to that. "I think we're losing him." She said, her voice faltering with fear.

"So what?" Dean grumbled but neither replied to his muttered comment.

"Look..." He puts on his glasses. "You realize if he... truly becomes a danger, you may have to kill him. Again. Can you do that?" He asked and Buffy was silent, not knowing what to answer.

**Angel's Mansion:**

Angel tried to get away from Jenny and walked into the mansion. "I can't do it."

"You have to do it." Jenny taunted. "What else are you good for?"

"Get away from me!" He cried in desperation.

"Couldn't you just... feel her?" Jenny continued to taunt as she appeared behind him, leaning close to him. "Couldn't you almost smell her skin? You never were a fighter, Angel, don't start trying now." She stepped away. "Sooner or later, you will drink her."

"I'll never hurt her." Angel argued weakly.

"You were born to hurt her." Jenny said scornfully. "Have you learned nothing? As long as you are alive..."

"Then I'll die," he said flatly.

"You don't have the strength to kill yourself." Jenny said, pausing to consider that possibility.

"I don't need strength. I just need the sun to rise." Angel answered in the same flat tone and he walked back out into the atrium.

"You're not supposed to die. This isn't the plan." Jenny said as he passed her and headed back outside. She watched him walk through the atrium and up the steps and out. "But it'll do."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Enemy of my enemy and all that rot**

Buffy read aloud from a book in Giles' apartment while behind her Giles sat on the stairs and reads to himself from another. Dean wasn't reading, merely leaning against the stairway beside Giles, waiting for someone to find something. He was wondering why the hell he was still there and not turning his ass around, grabbing Sam and getting back on the highway.

"'A child shall be born of man and goat and have two heads, and The First shall speak only in riddles...' No wonder you like this stuff." She said, and then closed the book. "It's like reading The Sun."

Dean snorted and she met his gaze for a moment before he looked away again. "Yes. Ah." Giles spoke up, finding something in his book.

"Priests?" She looked at him and wished the sting in her heart would go away.

"Um... Yes, but, uh, more, more posturing, I'm afraid. Um," He read aloud a passage. "'For they are the Harbingers of death. Nothing shall grow above or below them. No seed shall flower, neither in man nor...'" He made a gesture to explain that it went on and on. "'They're rebels and they'll never ever be any good. Nothing specific about their haunts."

"Let me see that," Buffy said as something he said sparked a memory in her head. Giles handed her the book and she studied it, trying to pin down the memory. "'...the Harbingers of death. Nothing shall grow above or below...'" She repeated, lost in thought."

"What?" Giles asked.

"I think I know where to go." She set the book down and Dean straightened and walked outside again without a word. She directed him to the tree lot and when he sat in the car after they arrived she turned to him. "Are you going to give me the silent treatment the whole weekend?" She asked, hoping he'd answer.

"I should. Then again, I've been wondering why the hell I'm even still here. Why shouldn't I just grab Sammy and put some miles under the tires?" He answered, staring ahead. "You know what, that's a pretty good idea." He set his jaw stubbornly but when she made no move to get out he threw her a glare. "You're still here?"

"Dean, talk to me, just say whatever it is you want to say." She sighed, turning to face him and ignoring his barbs.

"He _tortured_ me Buffy, you know that? He had his _lackey's_ knock me and Sammy out and he threatened to cut something off my little brother." He bit out the words, seeing her green eyes widen in horror. "Forgive me if I'm not in the 'Save-Angels'-ass' club."

She looked out the windshield, fighting the nausea at his words and said quietly. "It wasn't him; he didn't have a soul then."

"And that makes it all better?" He growled. "He was an evil bloodsucking bastard who killed Giles' girlfriend and stalked you and your friends. Just because you slap a leash on him doesn't make it go away. He's still that monster deep down and you damn well know it."

She was silent, acknowledging the venom in his words and knowing part of what he was saying was true. "Thanks for taking me to Giles, you can go now." She said softly, opening the door and slipping out. He watched her walk away toward the tree lot entrance and started the car with a roar. He peeled out and headed for Joyce's, intending to grab Sammy and say to hell with Sunnydale and everyone associated with it. He got a block away before he started to mutter a steady stream of curses and swung the Impala in a U-Turn and drove back to the tree-lot.

Buffy kicked the gate open and marched straight toward the dead trees, fueled by anger at the Bringers and at Dean. Once there, she studies the dead trees for a moment, looking down at six that have died arranged in a circle, yet all the trees around them were fine. She heard the sound of gravel and a slam and twisted around to see Dean coming toward her with a crossbow in his hand, scowling and muttering to himself. She looked around for something to dig with, finding a long-handled ax. She swung it at the ground, and after a couple of hits she breaks through. A few more swings and the hole became large enough for them to get through. She crouched down and drops into it, Dean following and landing with a thud next to her. She helped him to his feet and they looked around, finding themselves in a cave. There are candles burning here and there and they made their way deeper into the cave. She heard chanting nearby and shared a look with Dean who tightened his grip on his crossbow. They didn't have to go far before they came to the table with the priests sitting around it.

"Alright, ten more minutes of chanting and then you guys have to go to bed." Buffy quipped and Dean took aim at the freaky-looking priests as they got up, and Buffy jumped down to fight them. She swung the handle of her ax into one priest's stomach, and he went down. She repeated the move into another one, who doubled over. She followed up with another swing to his head, and he goes down, too. The third one ran away, and Dean chased after it. Buffy used the ax to destroy the artifacts on the table. Suddenly, Jenny appeared in the cave with her. "Hmm. I'm impressed." She said and Buffy hesitated, surprised to see Jenny there, but realized that it wasn't really her.

"You won't get Angel." She said defiantly.

"Hmm. You think you can fight me? I'm not a demon, little girl. I am something that you can't even conceive. The First Evil. Beyond sin, beyond death. I am the thing the darkness fears. You'll never see me, but I am everywhere. Every being, every thought, every drop of hate." Jenny/The First went on and Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Alright, I get it. You're evil. Do we have to chat about it all day?"

"Angel will be dead by sunrise. Your Christmas... will be his wake." Jenny/The First said, unimpressed and Buffy saw Dean approach with his shotgun raised at the apparition.

"No," Buffy denied, shooting Dean a look he ignored.

"You have no idea what you're dealing with." The First continued, paying no mind to the Hunter with his weapon trained on it.

"Lemme guess. Is it... evil?" Buffy's voice was thick with sarcasm. The apparition of Jenny shrunk and contorted for an instant by an image of a huge horned and clawed beast coming at her, roaring and with eyes glowing red. Dean shot a salt round at the beast but it passed through, fading as quickly as it appeared. Buffy stared in shock at the place where it appeared as it screamed a final warning.

"DEAD BY SUNRISE!" Buffy turned her terrified gaze to Dean who pursed his lips and followed her out of the cave.

He drove her in silence to Angel's mansion and she got out before the car had stopped completely, not even sparing a glance at him. He watched her run inside, calling for Angel and gritted his teeth, then turned the car toward the hotel, intent on finding a nearby bar.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Traditions**

Buffy ran into the Mansion, yelling frantically for Angel, she looked around, but he was nowhere to be seen. She walked briskly toward the doorway to the atrium and looked out. She spotted the stairs leading up and ran toward them. Buffy ran through the bushes, frantically looking for Angel, she climbed further up the hill to find him standing at the top looking out over a peaceful area of town. "Angel."

He heard her say his name and briefly glanced in her direction before looking back out over the rooftops, and Buffy slowly walked over to stand near him. "I bet half the kids down there are already awake. Lying in their beds... sneaking downstairs... waiting for day." He told her quietly.

"Angel, please. I need for you to get inside. Th-there's only a few minutes left." Buffy panted, out of breath.

"I know. I can smell the sunrise long before it comes." He said, gazing up at the sky.

"I don't have time to explain this. You just have to trust me. That thing that was haunting you..." She said hurriedly but he interrupted her.

"It wasn't haunting me. It was showing me."

"Showing you?" Buffy looked at him in confusion.

"What I am."

"Were," she argued.

"And ever shall be. I wanted to know why I was back. Now I do."

"You _don't_ know. Some great evil takes credit for bringing you back and you buy it? You just give up?" She insisted, trying to make him understand.

"I can't do it again, Buffy. I can't become a killer." He said harshly.

"Then fight it."

"It's too hard," Angel said quietly.

"Angel, please, you _have_ to get inside," she pleaded desperately.

"It told me to kill you. You were in the dream. You know. It told me to lose my soul in you and become a monster again." Angel argued his voice harsh and wincing at the memory.

"I know what it told you. What does it matter?"

"Because I wanted to! Because I want you so badly! I want to take comfort in you, and I know it'll cost me my soul, and a part of me doesn't care." He raised his voice, and began to sob. Buffy was at a loss for words as she just stared at him. "Look, I'm weak. I've never been anything else. It's not the demon in me that needs killing, Buffy. It's the man."

"You're weak. Everybody is. Everybody fails. Maybe this evil did bring you back, but if it did, it's because it needs you. And that means that you can hurt it." She insisted stubbornly but he kept sobbing, not wanting to believe her. "Angel, you have the power to do real good, to make amends." Buffy pleaded with him then raised her voice over his sobs. "But if you die now, then all that you ever were was a monster." She looked out at the sky as it began to lighten and turned back to him, begging frantically. "Angel, please, the sun is coming up!"

"Just go." He tried to give her a shove but she resisted, "I won't!"

"What, do you think this is simple? You think there's an easy answer? You can never understand what I've done! Now go!" He tried again but she refused to listen.

"You are not staying here." She grabbed his arm, "I won't let you!"

"I said LEAVE!" He jerked his arm free of her grasp and in her anger and desperation Buffy punched him. He reacted by shoving her away from him roughly, making her fall face forward, hard to the ground. "Oh, my God..."He crouched over her, grabbing her by the shoulders and turning her around to face him. Buffy feared his intentions and cried out.

"No! No!" He grabbed her roughly by the arms and held her firmly.

"Am I a thing worth saving, huh?" He shook her and she began to cry. "Am I a righteous man? The world wants me gone!"

"What about me? I love you so much... And I tried to make you go away... I killed you and it didn't help." She cried out tearfully, shoving him off of her and getting to her feet. "And I hate it! I hate that it's _so_ hard... and that you can hurt me _so_ much." She continued to sob, and then said harshly, "I know everything that you did, because you did it to me. Oh, God! I wish that I wished you dead. I don't." The last two words came out as a whisper, "I can't."

"Buffy, please. Just this once... let me be strong." Angel pleaded, getting to his feet too.

"Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together." She threw back at him and Angel struggled with himself, knowing she was right. "But if you're too much of a coward for that, then burn. If I can't convince you that you belong in this world, then I don't know what can. But do _not_ expect me to watch. And don't expect me to mourn for you, because..."

She stopped in mid-sentence because it has inexplicably begun to snow and she and Angel both look up at it coming down, lightly at first and gradually heavier. The snowflakes swirled around them in the gentle morning breeze, and the ground around them starting to become white. Cut to Angel, looking around in amazement. Buffy walks to the edge of the hill and looks out at the town as the roofs on the houses below also start to become white. She turns to Angel, and they look at each other, stunned by this apparent miracle.

About an inch and a half of snow was collecting on the roof of Buffy's house. Faith opened the door, Sam and Joyce at her back. All three stepped off the porch to watch the snow fall and Faith smiles as a few flakes fell onto her hands and face. Joyce pulled her wrap tightly around her against the cold and Sam grinned as the snow stuck to his shaggy hair, wondering where Dean was and if he was seeing this. In Giles' apartment he noticed that his window was frosted, and went over to it to have a look outside, staring out in amazement.

Xander's in his sleeping bag in his backyard as his lantern glowed with blue light next to him. His unfinished dinner plate is being covered with snow, as is the comic book he'd put aside before retiring. He was sleeping with the top flap of his sleeping bag folded open under his arm but stirred slightly, then wiped at the snowflakes falling on his face. When that didn't help, he reflexively pulled the flap over his head, fallen snow and all. Which succeeded to wake him up, and a moment later he threw back the flap to look up in wonder at the falling snow. The green neon sign of the Sun Cinema was half-covered in snow where the movies now playing were listed, the letters barely visible. The weatherman spoke to the empty street on the TV in the window of the audio/video store.

"And while most of Southern California is enjoying a balmy Christmas, an extreme cold front has sprung up out of nowhere around Sunnydale, where they are reporting heavy snowfall for the first time in, well, ever." The weatherman said, but the street was deserted of people and the cars were steadily being covered in snow. "Sunnydale residents shouldn't expect to see the sun at all today. That cold front isn't going anywhere. With temperatures in the high 30s, means you better bundle up if you're planning to go outside and enjoy the change in the weather."

The trees in the street were aglow with Christmas lights but the only people occupying the silent center of town were Buffy and Angel, walking hand-in-hand, still looking up at the snow as it comes down. As they continued to walk in silence down the street, Buffy glanced over at Angel who looked exhausted but at peace and he smiled at her.

Dean nursed his drink in the quiet bar, brooding and still cursing under his breath. He'd found a dive near the tree lot and despite his plan to drink away his thoughts and pain it wasn't working. Partly because he really wasn't in the mood to get absolutely shit-faced, and partly because the drink he was shooting down wasn't nearly strong as he would have preferred. He wasn't listening to the jukebox or paying any of the other people any mind, content on enjoying his solitude alone. He considered hustling but there weren't any pool tables in this crappy place, but he did see some darts against the wall. He set his drink down a little too roughly and gestured for another and headed over to the dart board. It'd been a while since he played and he didn't see anyone he could hustle so he just decided to toss the darts to relieve a bit of stress. The satisfying thunk as the dart hit the target started to soothe his aggrieved nerves and he started to imagine Angel's face and his aim improved dramatically. He finally tuned into the music when the words to some song or other made him miss his shot.

**_'Waiting for some angel_**  
><strong><em>to wake me and say to me'<em>**

He let out a growl and a curse and ignored the song until it changed again but again his dart went wide and he turned pissed off eyes to the machine that was clearly taunting him.

**_'Gonna love you till the end of time_**  
><strong><em>Angel of mine'<em>**

Dean gritted his teeth and tossed his shot back, winking at the brunette that was eyeing him and tried not to listen to the rest of the song. He threw a few more darts but he almost drew his shotgun on the damned machine for mocking him as it played the next selection.

**'****_You're my Angel, come and save me tonight  
>You're my Angel, come and make it alright'<em>**

Dean was seriously considering shooting the damned jukebox full of rock salt, convinced the music player was possessed. Either that or someone upstairs was having a big freaking laugh at his expense.

**'****_You got them Angel Eyes  
>Girl you got them Angel Eyes <em>**

**_Angel eyes'_**

Dean couldn't take it anymore and tossed a bill on the table, storming out the door and to his car. He was grumbling the entire way until he felt wetness hit his cheek, he wiped it away absently, thinking it was rain but when another bit of moistness touched his cheek he looked up. There were snowflakes swirling in the air, kissing the cars and ground, dusting the trees with a sparkly shimmer. He stared up in amazement for a long moment until he felt his mouth stretch into a smile, forgetting about what had put him in such a foul mood. He lifted his hands palm up and watched the snowflakes dance around his fingers. He wondered if Sammy was seeing this when his phone started to ring. He pulled it out of his pocket and flipped it open, still watching the snow in awe. "Hey Sammy, you seeing this?"

"Yeah, we're outside watching it. This is so awesome! Where's Buffy?" Sam's excited voice answered and Dean sobered slightly.

"She had to go check on something, I'm on my way back, and you and I got a snowball war little brother!" Dean said and snapped the phone shut, adjusting the collar of his jacket and pulling his sleeve over his hand to wipe away some of the snow covering his Impala. Once most of it was off, he climbed in and fired his Baby up, cranked the heat and the wipers, watching them push the snow away while the car warmed up. He was in a better mood now and he was so totally gonna kick Sam's ass in their snowball fight. It'd become a tradition if they were ever on the road when it snowed, whether they were on a job or not. Usually they'd gang up against Dad but he grinned at the thought of a war with Sammy against the Slayers. He tore down the road toward Joyce's with a grin, pleased that the holiday was finally looking up.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Heat**

By the time Dean pulled up at Buffy's he was eager to have some fun and enjoy the snow with his brother, and he got out before waiting for the car to shut off all the way, almost forgetting to pull the parking brake in his rush. He jogged up the steps and knocked once on the door before pulling it open and calling for Sammy. He heard voices in the other rooms and headed in the direction, surprised to see that Buffy had returned and she gave him a warm smile. Dean went right up to Sammy and put him in a headlock and led him out the door, calling a hello and a goodbye to the Summers' women and Faith.

"Excuse us, but we have a family tradition to take part in!" Dean yelled and he gave his brother a noogie of affection. He heard Buffy and Faith following and turned to them, still leading his brother outside. "Wanna have a snowball war? Boys against girls?" Dean asked, his eyes twinkling with mirth.

Faith and Buffy shared a look and both grinned, nodding enthusiastically. They grabbed their coats and winter clothes, following the Winchester's outside. They huddled on the porch for a moment, adjusting to the chilly air.

"You chicks are totally going down!" Dean crowed and Buffy rolled her eyes at him, then he darted off the porch and around to the side of the house, scooping up a handful of snow in his hand. It was damned cold and made his fingers sting but he ignored it, packing the snow and he slipped into a crouch when he heard footsteps. He waited in silence until he saw a head of brown hair pass by, then jumped out and threw the snowball at her but Faith ducked and threw her own, which he barely dodged but rolling, getting snow under the collar of his shirt. He cursed at the cold moisture and threw another handful at her and this time his lob hit her coat. She grinned and tossed a handful or her own at his face and he blinked as snow covered his eyebrows. She busted out laughing and took off around to the back. He smiled back and bent to grab another handful, then yelped and straightened as a ball of snow smacked his square on the behind. He heard snickers and spun to see Buffy covering her mouth with her hand as she giggled.

He stalked toward her and pinned her against the side of the house, capturing her mouth in a fiery kiss that could have melted the snow in his hand. When they were both sufficiently dizzy from the kiss he dropped the snowball in his hand onto her head and took off again as she sputtered. He saw Sam and Faith throwing snowballs at each other when he rounded the house and watched them for a moment. Sammy had the biggest grin on his face and he was clearly having a blast, and Faith was laughing as Sam shook the snow out of his hair from the snowball she'd just nailed him with.

He almost forgot about Buffy until she stalked up behind him and dropped a small handful down the back of his shirt and tried to run off, giggling. He caught her by the crook of the elbow and bent down to one side, scooping up and throwing a glob of snow at her. She dodged and he jumped on her, wrestling her to the ground as they tried to pin each other and throw snow in the other's faces. She was breathless with laughter by the time he finally managed to pin her to the cold ground, and he smirked in triumph. His eyes were smoldering with heat as he drank in the sound of her laughter and the pure joy on her face. He didn't hear Faith approaching until a snowball struck him in the back of the head and he shook it off, turning to glare at her while Buffy erupted into another fit of giggles. He saw Sam bent over, laughing at him too and that Faith was holding her side in hysterics. He got off Buffy and threw a handful at Sam, forgetting that it was supposed to be him and his brother against the girls which started an all out war between the four of them.

Breathless and thoroughly exhausted, Buffy and Dean sat on the porch and watched Sam and Faith still messing around in the snow. Buffy leaned her head on his shoulder with a happy smile and laced her hand with his. He laughed as he watched Sam jump out howling from the cold snow when he'd tried to make a snow angel, forgetting he was in only a thin layer of clothing. Buffy chuckled and watched as Faith teased him mercilessly and they had a mini-war of their own. She hadn't seen Faith having this much fun doing something that wasn't slaying and it was nice that she was enjoying the time with her friends. Dean brushed a light kiss over her hair, inhaling her shampoo and closing his eyes. This was home, right her with her, this was where he belonged.

Dean noticed that his brother was getting red and shivering and decided to call it a night and go inside. He whistled for Sammy and the two trudged along the snow, still grinning. They all trooped inside after dusting and kicking the snow off their boots. Faith jumped onto Sam's back and Buffy shrugged before hopping onto Dean's who emitted a grunt and caught her. He carried the giggling Slayer into the Living Room to the couch, where he deposited her upon it. She bounced upon impact and giggled as Sam did the same to Faith. Dean peeled off his jacket and draped it over the banister to the stairs, shaking his soggy shirt out. Sam followed his example and the guys traded insults and jokes affectionately.

"Well, we're better get going; we had a lot of fun." Dean stated finally with some regret. He grabbed his coat and folded it over his arm and turned back to the girls. "Faith you need a ride anywhere?"

"You're going already? You'll miss Christmas Day dinner, and mom really wanted you guys here, besides you haven't opened your gifts!" Buffy objected and Dean laughed.

"No princess, I meant we should get back to our room, we'll be back tomorrow for dinner." Dean answered and she blushed. He glanced over at Faith who nodded and got to her feet, going to grab her coat and waited at the door. Sam gave Buffy a hug and led the way to the Impala, Faith hot on his heels. Dean looked at Buffy for a long moment, reluctant to tear himself away from her even though he knew he'd see her again the next day.

"Dean, we're okay again right?" Buffy asked uncertainly, twisting her hands together. He blanched when he remembered what had happened the night before and gazed into the fire, thinking it over. It seemed like they did this a lot, fight because of something she didn't- wouldn't- tell him and then he'd refuse to help only to turn his ass around and bail her out anyway. Then they'd joke around or something and she'd be asking if they were okay again. He was getting tired of this game with her but he was damned if he could make himself stop playing. He needed those happy moments with her like he needed air; he was starving for a taste of her if he went without for too long. He felt like a junkie and while it was a new feeling, he honestly didn't mind. Yep, he was so screwed.

"Yeah, we're okay." He answered finally, his voice quiet as he struggled with the words on the tip of his tongue that desperately wanted to come out. "It's…um…getting late. I should get Faith home. I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

She nodded and watched him wrestle with himself for another minute before letting out a string of curses and reaching her in two strides. He placed his hands on her shoulders and seized her mouth in a kiss as passionate as they one they'd shared outside while he cursed his lack of control. He willed her to see the words that kept getting caught in his throat, to know exactly what she meant to him, to fully understand the depth of his emotions for her. His tongue lashed with hers and she let out a gasp when he forced himself away. He struggled for breath as his heart beat a million miles a minute. He brushed a light kiss across her forehead and her nose and whispered goodbye. He turned and was gone before she had a chance to react, and she brought her hand to her lips to touch her fingertips to them, convinced the fire in his kiss had melted them off.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Characters aren't mine! song used is Touch of Heaven by Richard Marx which I also don't own...not the actual rights anyway, I do own a cd with the song on it however lol This chapter was longer with more detail but obviously I had to shorten it :( **

**Chapter 8: Touch of heaven**

Dean followed Buffy up the stairs to her room, brimming with primal need, blind to everything else. Once inside, he shut the door forcefully and braced her desk chair under the handle to prevent any interruptions. She spun to face him and he crossed the room in two strides, pinning her back against the wall. He caged her in with his arms, effectively blocking her escape. His eyes were dark with want and Buffy gulped at their intensity.

"Dean, what are you—," she began but the rest of her question was swallowed as he slanted his mouth across hers, hungrily claiming her lips. She put a hand on his chest and gripped a handful of his shirt when he didn't budge and she felt her knees weaken as his tongue explored her mouth.

One of his hands was removed from the wall to cradle her jaw and he tilted her head just so, angling it to give his mouth better access and she gave as well as she got. His tongue lashed over hers and he grabbed her jean-clad hip in his bruising grasp, his fingers digging into her skin.

His kiss was almost punishing, his hold allowed no room for movement. He didn't care if he was being too rough, she was a Slayer, and she could handle it after all. He was determined to drown the image of Angel and her from his possessive mind and she wasn't complaining. Not that he'd have listened anyway, but still. She was his, dammit and he wasn't giving her up to some undead bastard who should have stayed in Hell.

He kept up his slow torture until he couldn't take anymore, his grip tightening on her hands and making her gasp as they tumbled over the edge together. Her mossy green eyes met his husky ones and he said the words that were dancing on his tongue and in his mind. "I love you, Buffy. God, I love you."

Dean was jerked out of his dream by the sound of his alarm clock and he bolted awake, his eyes adjusting to the light in the room. He looked around for the annoying contraption and smashed a hand over it, silencing the damned thing. He groaned when he realized it had all been a dream and that his pants were still tight. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, willing his heartbeat to slow, his head resting against the headboard as some shitty music played on the radio. His eyes snapped open and his teeth ground when the words to said song penetrated the fog in his mind.

_**'Your eyes burn through me**_**_ oh, like a raging fire.  
>I fall blissfully every time you say just one little word you know it makes me crazy.<br>You ask way too much oh, when you say that I can look but do not touch.  
>I have never wanted any other girl the way I want you, baby.<br>I surrender to what I can't control drunk with desire, I opened up my soul.'_**

Dean got to his feet and started to gather a set of decent-looking clothes to wear over to Buffy's. He spotted a note from Sam saying he'd gone to get coffee and donuts and would be back soon, with 'Merry Christmas Dean!' circled at the bottom. He smiled at his brother's reminder and then glared at the radio, wondering if all the music players in this damned town were haunted or something.

**_'You know I would go around the world, I'll take you anywhere oh, baby, anywhere _**_**for a touch of heaven.**_**_  
><em>**_**Tell me what you want, I'll give you anything**_**_ oh, baby, everything for a touch of heaven.  
><em>**_**I have dreamed of this,**_**_ your body next to mine, drowning in every kiss.  
><em>**_**How I longed to find my one and only girl**_****_**and I found her in you, baby.**_**_  
>All I ever wanted is everything that you are don't leave me longing <em>**_**be tender with my heart.'**_

Any other time he'd have thought it was a good song, it had a beat that screamed sensuality and the thought of Buffy swaying her hips made a flash of fire set in again. He headed for the bathroom after shooting the radio with his shotgun, silencing the cheeky machine.  
>He grinned in satisfaction at the mangled mess and went to go take a cold shower, finally happy he'd gotten payback. <em>Take that you stupid bastards!<em> he thought gleefully.

**- - - -** **A/N2: Hehe I know, I'm evil right? mwahaha**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Family**

Dean knocked on Buffy's door and shuffled his feet nervously and heard Sam clear his throat. They were both feeling a bit awkward but since they'd promised to come back before leaving town again here they were on her porch. Sam had gotten on the computer the night before and had found a possible lead but when they discussed it they both agreed they couldn't leave yet. Dean turned to look at Sammy who was dressed the same as him, in a nice plaid shirt and jeans that weren't too ripped, his shaggy hair brushed back neatly. Sam gave him a crooked smile as the door open and Dean twisted to find Buffy in a red dress, her hair done up in some intricate style. She looked beyond beautiful. He felt the tension and nerves disappear when she pulled him close for a hug, a big smile on her face. She gave Sam a hug too and ushered them inside.

"Mom's in the kitchen, finishing up everything for dinner, I hope you're hungry." Buffy said cheerfully, oblivious to the way Dean watched her. She hung their coats up and led them into the dining room where she'd been setting the table before they arrived. Sam offered to help with the table while Dean went to see if he could help in the kitchen. He wasn't a cook but he figured he could help with something at least. Joyce smiled at him and kissed his cheek motherly, then offered him the spoon she was holding so he could whip the sweet potatoes. She'd made turkey, ham, sweet potatoes and corn, a casserole of some sort, and had dinner rolls and pie in the oven. Dean's mouth watered at the savory smells and when he tried to sneak a bite, he got a swat on the back of his head good-naturedly.

They all seated themselves, Dean and Sam across from Buffy and Joyce and said grace, then dug in. There was some light-hearted chatter around the table and laughter as Christmas music played softly in the background. Dean and Sam felt at ease for once, and Buffy smiled at Dean throughout the meal. When Dean went for seconds Joyce caught her daughter's eye and motioned for her daughter to join her, saying she was going to get some more to drink. Buffy obeyed and followed her mother into the other room, then leaned on the island and heard Sam laugh about something.

"You and Dean seem really close," Joyce commented. "He's such a nice boy." She grabbed a bottle sparkling cider from the fridge and poured some into a glass. She turned her eyes on her daughter and caught the blush spreading over her cheeks.

"Yeah, he really is." Buffy agreed quietly. "I'm gonna-," Buffy jerked her thumb toward the other room and trailed off, not really knowing how to finish that sentence. She escaped into the dining room again and didn't hear her mother chuckle. The oven timer dinged and she set her cider down to retrieve the pie from the oven when she heard a soft knock on the door. She set her mitts down and went to open the door to the back porch, but found no one. She looked around until her eye caught a movement in the bushes. She started to take a step onto the porch but almost stepped on a small bouquet of flowers that were placed on the mat. There was a box next to them and she bent to pick them up. The name on the box was Buffy's and Joyce glanced around one more time before retreating back inside the kitchen, closing the door behind her.

She set the flowers and box on the island and poked her head into the dining room, seeing that Buffy and the boys were talking and laughing about something. She got her daughter's attention and Buffy followed her into the kitchen. Her daughter's footsteps froze when she saw the flowers and the package on the island and tentatively reached a hand out to touch the box.

Buffy recognized the writing—it was Angel's. She steeled herself and opened the box to find a cross with an intricate design on it, and 3 stones that matched her eyes. The note simply said 'Merry Christmas' and it wasn't signed. She touched the pendant with a fingertip, and started at the sound of Dean's voice behind her.

"Pretty," He grunted, setting down the tray he was carrying. He could guess who the gift was for and the hesitant way she looked at him confirmed it. But he was in far too good a mood to let Dead Boy ruin it so he let her see that he wasn't upset enough to fight. If he was ever going to say how he felt, it'd have to be soon. Especially after the dream he'd had that morning, and the memory of it filled him with heat. "Mine's better." He said smugly, lifting his beer to take a drink with a smirk at her and she laughed.

"Is that right?" Buffy asked, setting the box down and turning to face him fully. He took two steps that brought him less than an inch from her, his smirk still on his lips. His eyes met hers and held and searched them. He set him beer down and in one swift move he pulled her close and kissed her, his hands cradling her face and his eyes falling shut. She kissed him back, it was a sweet kiss, not a fiery passion-loaded one she was used to, but it still made her knees weak. He broke the kiss a moment later and brushed a feather-soft one across her brow.

"Merry Christmas, Buffy." He whispered and she smiled. He slipped an arm around her waist and led her from the room and into the living room where Sam and Joyce were waiting. Buffy knelt beside the tree and Dean stood in the doorway, leaning against the jamb just behind her. She sorted through the gifts for Sam's and handed it to him, then gave her mother hers and Dean his. She grabbed the one labeled to her from Sam and started to open it. He'd given her a fighting ax she'd admired since the first time she'd seen it in L.A. and a gift card for any store in the mall. She squealed and hugged Sam tightly in thanks. He grinned and hugged her back, sticking his tongue out at Dean and his ears went pink when she gushed about his gifts.

"Willow suggested the gift card, and I remembered you said you liked the ax." Sam explained and she grinned.

"Oh I do! Thank you so much!" Buffy breathed, examining the small ax happily. It was the length of her arm, double-sided and was good for blunt-force attacks and its weight was nothing in her hand.

"Hey don't forget mine!" Dean protested and Buffy giggled. She set her new toy down and turned to see how Dean liked her gift. She hadn't known what to get him so she'd gotten a butterfly knife, a case for some of his weapons and some sunglasses. The knife was sharp and he was deftly spinning it around his fingers, playing with it. "You're going to hurt yourself by doing that, you know." She scolded but he gave her a, Are you kidding me? Look so she rolled her eyes and turned back to her mother and Sam. She'd gotten Sam a book about Slayers and demons, one she didn't think he had yet and he was already reading it. She laughed and tossed a candy cane at him to get his attention and he looked up at her with an abashed grin.

"Thanks Buffy, I don't have this one." He told her and she laughed again and told him he was welcome. She looked at her mother next and saw that she was admiring the sweater Buffy had given her with a pleased eye.

"This is beautiful Buffy, thank you." Joyce said then set it aside to go over and give her daughter a one-armed hug. She reached under the tree for Buffy's gift from her and handed it to her daughter, then handed the boys theirs. Buffy bit back a groan and heard the boys do the same as they all opened packages with clothes. Buffy got a dress she'd been eyeing so she wasn't all that disappointed and the boys got a couple plaid shirts. Buffy reached under for the last set of gifts and pulled out Sam's from Dean, Dean's from Buffy, Joyce's from Sam and Dean, and Buffy's from Dean. She peered into the bag and saw him glance sidelong at her, trying to gauge what her reaction would be. She pulled out a scarlet sheath and a dagger and turned the blade over in her hands, inspecting it. It was a gorgeous blade.

She noticed the engraving and looked at Dean curiously. He held out a hand and she handed it to him, getting to her feet to stand next to him as he pointed out one of the inscriptions. "This is a protection symbol; it'll keep most demons or vamps from using it against you." He flipped the blade over and drew a breath. "This one is in Etruscan." He said simply and she turned questioning eyes on him so he leaned closer to her ear. "It means always." He brushed a light kiss against her earlobe and handed it back to her. She took it with shaky hands and her gaze locked on his, watching him for several moments in stunned silence.

At Sam's happy cry she broke herself from her daze and landed with a crash back in the room. She blinked to get the dizziness out of her head and she saw Dean exhale the breath she hadn't noticed he was holding. She looked over at Sam to see he was examining a set of throwing stars and 2 texts, unsure which he wanted to look at first. She smiled at his enthusiasm and then looked at her mother, who was ooh-ing and aah-ing over a vase from the guys.

Her mother stood and gave both Winchester's a hug, thanking them for the gift and for coming over to spend the holiday with them. She kissed both of them on the cheek and Buffy giggled when they blushed at the attention. Joyce went into the other room to put the vase somewhere and Sam started on his book again, leaving Buffy and Dean. Dean slipped his hand into hers and walked over to the unoccupied couch, sat and tugged Buffy down with him. She landed beside him and she cuddled up to him as he switched the TV on in search of something to watch. After fighting over the remote briefly and Dean holding it above her head, Buffy finally managed to convince him to stop on a channel playing a Christmas movie.

Later that night Dean stood on the porch with Buffy, watching Sam in the car still reading his book. They were supposed to head out the next day because Sam had found some sort of case but he had some mixed feelings about it. Buffy noticed his silence and sat on the porch, then waited until he sat beside her to ask. "Dean? Are you okay?"

He glanced at her and felt like forcing a smile, but he couldn't so he didn't. He looked back at the Impala and shook his head finally. "No, not really."

Buffy linked her arm with his and laid her head on his shoulder. "Want to talk about it?"

"Sammy found a case in Arizona. Seems there was a girl who'd gone through some pretty bad crap and she's a spirit now." He stated, debating how much he should say.

"Yeah, you guys deal with those all the time. Why the quietyness?" She prompted, and he chuckled at her usual way of mangling the English language.

"This girl had a rough time of it. She was raped repeatedly growing up, the first time by her best friend's stepdad, and they were never charged. Sam said there was evidence on the coroner's report that the girl was a cutter, and finally couldn't deal anymore—she offed herself. She's killed two of the guys that raped her when she was alive." Dean finished, his voice heavy with anger at the bastards that'd hurt the girl. I guess I'm just not used to sympathizing with the ghosts, you know? I mean is it terrible of me to say Good for her?" He asked, and looked down at Buffy. "I mean god, if it had been you…"

"Dean, it's human to sympathize with her, she went through something no one should have to, but it's not for us to decide who should die and who shouldn't. They should have been reported and thrown into a cell." Buffy answered softly, even though part of her agreed with him.

"Yeah." He let out a breath and thought about it some more. "Demons I get you know? Humans? They're just plain crazy." She laughed at that she reached up to wrap her arms around his neck.

"I know. Just do the job, and then she can finally be at peace. She deserves it." She told him, and kissed him lightly.

"You're right, I know you're right." He smiled and tweaked her nose. "I hate it when you're right." He said affectionately and she giggled.

"Really? I kind of like it."

"Yeah, I bet." He kissed her again and went silent again. He had no desire whatsoever to tear himself away from her and wanted to stay right there, exactly as he was. "I've got another problem too." He didn't look at her this time and kept his voice light; afraid she'd take off when he said what he needed to.

"What?" She asked and he chewed on his cheek for a moment before answering.

"There's this girl I really like, she's awesome, beautiful, fun, and can totally kick ass." He winked at her and she smiled. "Problem is, every time I see her there's something going down in her life that we end up fighting over. A couple times it's involved her ex, a complete jackass. And even though I originally tell her I don't give a damn, I end up helping anyway. Glutton for punishment I suppose." He smiled mockingly at himself and she met his eyes warily. "So I help her, we kick ass, then we talk and we're okay again. Only we're not."

He turned to face her on the porch and gently touched her neck, placing his hand on her shoulder and meeting her gaze. "We're not okay because I care about this girl a lot more than I have anyone else, and probably will ever care. But I don't know if she feels the same way, and that kills me to think it. Am I wrong?"

Buffy searched his eyes and her heart for the answer, biting down on her lip in hesitation. Dean was right, he'd been there for her through a lot in the past several months and while part of her still loved Angel, she felt something different around Dean—something stronger. She felt connected to him, she trusted him, but did she feel the same way he obviously felt about her. Her mind flashed back several months to the hotel room in L.A. after their fight, when she'd heard him whisper three words. Did he really mean them? Is that why he hadn't said them since? Did he think she hadn't heard? Did she want him to say those words again? Did she love him too?

Her silence reined the night air and he slowly nodded. "I didn't think so." He got to his feet and started for the car but she pulled him back. He looked like he was fighting tears and that tore her heart to pieces. "We'll be back in a couple months probably, maybe. I don't know yet. It'll give us both time to think and clear our heads."

"Dean..." She started, and he touched a hand to her lips, silencing her. He kissed her cheek and cuffed her chin lightly.

"It's alright. We'll see you in a couple months. Tell your mom thanks for having us over and for the shirts." He looked at her for another long agonizing moment then headed for the Impala, brushing away the tears that fell unbidden from his eyes once his back was to her. He climbed into the car and fired the engine and glanced back at Buffy who still stood on the porch watching them.

"Dean? Why's Buffy crying? Did you guys fight again?" Sam asked, looking from his brother to his friend in confusion.

"No, we didn't fight." Dean answered and heaved a sigh as he turned to back the Impala out of her driveway. He needed to find a bar and fast, he decided. He still hadn't told her the truth, and he still hadn't found out if she heard what he'd said in L.A. Something told him that she had though, something in her eyes said she'd heard but she just wasn't sure what she felt for him. They had cases to keep him busy and were supposed to meet up with dad in Tallahassee after Arizona. Hunting would keep his mind from straying toward the California coast and to a certain blonde Slayer. Well, he could hope anyway.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Too bad**

Dean stared moodily down at his drink on the bar in front of him. Sam was back at the hotel, researching the case some more and doing the last minute packing so they could head out at dawn. He'd dropped Sam off at the hotel and driven around till he found a crappy dive, still trying to wipe the memory of Buffy crying from his mind.

The bar was quiet, since most of the patrons were presumably home with their families, and the music here wasn't much better. In fact this damned player seemed to mock him too, but he refrained from shooting the juke box when he grudgingly admitted that the song wasn't all that bad.

**_'I know I've been mistaken,_**  
><strong><em>but just give me a break and see the changes that I've made.<em>**  
><strong><em>I've got some imperfections,<em>**  
><strong><em>But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face<em>**

**_But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting_**  
><strong><em>You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting<em>**  
><strong><em>And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting<em>**  
><strong><em>Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting<em>**

**_I hope you're not intending_**  
><strong><em>To be so condescending, it's as much as I can take.<em>**  
><strong><em>And you're so independent, you just refuse to bend<em>**  
><strong><em>So I keep bending 'till I break<em>**

**_But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting_**  
><strong><em>You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting<em>**  
><strong><em>And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting<em>**  
><strong><em>Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting<em>**

**_I've made a commitment, I'm willing to bleed for you_**  
><strong><em>I needed fulfillment<em>**  
><strong><em>I found what I need in you<em>**

**_Why can't you just forgive me?_**  
><strong><em>I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way...<em>**

**_But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting_**  
><strong><em>waiting<em>**  
><strong><em>I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting<em>**

**_But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting_**  
><strong><em>You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting<em>**  
><strong><em>And if I chose to walk away, would you be right here waiting<em>**  
><strong><em>Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting.'<em>**

He heard her boots and the distinct sound of leather but paid the brunette no mind as she approached. He tossed back his drink and heard her voice in his ear, her painted lips only a breath away as she purred, "Mind if I sit here, Tiger?"

When he shook his head she slid onto the stool next to him. "Knock yourself out princess." He drawled with his usual smirk. She ordered a shot and turned back to him, throwing her hair behind her shoulders. He raised an eyebrow at her but said nothing, letting his gaze roam over her leather-clad body. She was in tight black leather pants and boots with a top at least a size or two too small, and a leather jacket covered her arms. Any other time he'd have been all over her but right that moment he couldn't help but wish she was a different girl, the one still on his mind.

"Drowning your sorrows D?" She asked, tilting her head to one side to smile at him sultrily.

"Something like that, yeah. You?" He answered, downing a third of his beer and gesturing for another from the bartender.

"Something like that." She repeated, licking her lips and tossing her shot back and smiling at the bartender who placed another in front of her.

She studied him, her fingertip circling the rim of the shot glass and he smirked at her but said nothing. He was hot, that was for sure and B had said they were only friends which meant he was fair game. He wasn't on the line yet, though. She needed to reel him in some more, and hell she thought, _'I love a challenge!_'

"So, D, I've got a lot of energy to burn, you up for a bit of exercise? Wouldn't want to go to bed all hyper, maybe we could—," She licked her lips suggestively and he followed the movement. "Tire each other out. What do you say?" She leaned forward to give him a better view down her scantily clad top.

He looked her over with an appreciative eye and chuckled at her brazen attitude. She'd be a wildcat—he had no doubt about that one—but something about Faith left a bad taste in his mouth that he didn't care for. Which was odd, he'd been with a dozen and then some odd girls who dressed exactly like her, but something told him that she wasn't one he wanted to tangle with.

"Much as I'd love to kitten, I'm afraid I'll pass tonight. Got to be in Arizona by dawn." He said, taking a long pull on his drink as he spoke the half-truth. He was leaving for Arizona at dawn, but she didn't need to know that. He wanted company and to be blissfully drunk, it was true, but this girl wasn't the one he wanted.

"Too bad," she replied with a little disappointment. She trailed a fingertip over his shoulders and along his arm, the muscles bunching at the contact. "Would've been one hell of a ride."

She slipped off the stool and winked, then turned and sauntered over to the jukebox and he eyed her hips and leather-encased ass as they swayed seductively. He had a hunch she put a little extra sway in them to remind him what he'd just turned down, but he didn't really care. He downed the rest of his beer as he watched her press buttons on the machine and start to dance, her hips moving in slow circles. "Yeah," he agreed as his eyes followed the movement and she threw him another wink and blew a kiss in his direction before turning to the guys that were starting to approach her. "Too bad."


End file.
